One Day at a Time

2009-04-22T21:54:00.001-05:00

What's up? Updating from ping.fm. Maybe I'll blog more.

4/15/09

2009-04-15T17:14:00.002-05:00

When food supply gets goofy, I get loosey. I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I'm hiding out from community, need it but don't want to spend the time.

Breakfast:
None. Coffee with milk. Got out of bed, started working and didn't stop.

Lunch:
1 cup quinoa (love the texture)
2 cups unmeasured soup with burger and veggies

coffee, which has impacted blood sugar levels
cheerios (bad idea)

Supper:
Same as lunch

3/11/09

2009-04-11T08:48:00.003-05:00

Love a new day!

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz fruit
1 cup dairy

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger
1 cup quinoa
2 cups veggies

Supper:
Fajitas (meat, veggies, rice!)

pear/yogurt for snack.

3/10/09

2009-04-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

Not abstinent breakfast

Abstinent, tasty lunch.

Not abstinent supper

Not abstinent snack.

Need to make time for OA meetings.

4/9/09

2009-04-09T11:35:00.003-05:00

Today I am reluctantly striving for abstinence. I've been to the other side of sugar, wheat and doing whatever I want. I know it feels yucky and that my body does better with lots of fruit, vegetables and healthy foods. But I'm cranky about starting the journey again. The exuberance that I felt when I began March 1 isn't there this time around.

But I'm doing it because otherwise--food will kill me slowly and painfully. Specifically, sugar will kill me. I've seen what it has done to those that I love and I suspect it's already starting to wage war in my body.

So, for today, I chose abstinence, reluctantly.

Breakfast:
4 oz turkey patty spiced perfectly!
1/2 cup yogurt
5 oz apple
1/2 cup milk in coffee and oatmeal
1 cup oatmeal

Lunch:
4 oz beef
1 cup zucchini
1 cup asparagus
1 cup rice

Supper:
4 oz beef
1 cup refried beans
2 cups veggies TBD

yogurt and pear for snack

Time Out

2009-03-26T07:12:00.002-05:00

My absence means I'm not abstinent. I decided with all the work, chaos and time suck of moving that I couldn't stick to the food plan and devote the time to recovery. It's a decision I regret. It's also interesting because I have a deeper commitment to the plan now that I'm off it. The plan is a better way to eat and it makes my body happy. The alternative way to eat feels yucky--sugar, fat, salt, wheat--my body needs none of it in the quantities available in non-abstinent foods.

I'll probably start back on it in a week or so when I find most of my kitchen utensils.

Until then........

3/19/09

2009-03-19T07:08:00.002-05:00

Today is a new day. I'm trying an online meeting.

Breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz strawberries
1 cup milk in oatmeal and coffee

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
1 cup green beans
1 cup fajita peppers
1 cup rice

Supper:
4 oz chicken
mashed potatoes
green beans
cauliflower

3/18/09

2009-03-19T07:02:00.002-05:00

With this food plan, I'm on the straight and narrow. The road is beautiful, the view is marvelous and it's a nice journey. Sometimes it's hard not to get distracted by neon signs in villages off to the side, but the trade-off is beautiful.

So for supper I went into the weeds and ate garbage. Not sure why except I wanted to have free reign.

I really need to get the OA thing and sponsor thing moving forward. So far, I haven't kept my commitment to getting a sponsor and attending ANY meetings.

Breakfast:
You might say that the day didn't start right. I got my cup of coffee and went online, then realized at 9ish that I hadn't had breakfast. Ate that (no protein--no non-egg options in the house).

1 cup oatmeal
6 oz blueberries
1 cup milk in breakfast and coffee

Lunch:
4 oz beef
1 cup rice
2 cups green beans

Supper:
chicken and veggie soup
biscuits--what?
ice cream after that, even thought I didn't need it because I had yogurt available.

well, that's the truth.

3/17/09

2009-03-17T07:39:00.002-05:00

My goal for today is that I will try a telephone or online OA meeting. I called about the Monday night meeting and found its new location. I'm going next week. And I'm going to try to figure out how to get to a meeting at some other time this week. Might not be hard since my parents will be here and can watch the kids on Saturday.

Yesterday was a good day. Wow, looking back, it was fully abstinent! Nice.

Today:

Breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz blueberries
1 cup milk in coffee and oatmeal
No protein due to grocery issue. Hope to go today.

Lunch:
4 oz. beef
1 cup broccoli
1 cup beans
1 cup green beans

Supper:
4 oz curry chicken
1 cup brown rice
1 cup green beans
1 cup cauliflower

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a co-worker who's a MSW who leads our health coaching program. We discussed how our program deals with weight management and behavior change. He said something that I've been pondering, "We can learn as much from our mistakes as we do from what we do right. Sometimes with behavior change we think we need to do it perfectly."

Yeah, that's what I think. My eating has to be perfect. And really, to be healthy and successful in this, it would help if I'm close to perfect.

But I learned a lot about my decisions on Sunday. I need community. I can't make it without it.

3/16/09

2009-03-16T07:48:00.002-05:00

Breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz raspberries
1 cup milk in coffee and oatmeal

I'm skipping the protein this morning because I don't like eggs, I don't want meat and I didn't get an alternative at the store. I hope to do that today.

Lunch:
4 oz beef
1 cup quinoa
1 cup salad
1 cup green beans

Supper:
chicken
1 cup quinoa
1 cup salad
1 cup vegetable

I made my menu for the week and hope to grocery shop tonight or tomorrow.

Today is a new day. I'm keenly aware of it.

I'm calling the organizer for the Monday night meeting to see if it's happening this week. And I'm going to look online for an online meeting if I don't hear anything.

And somehow I'm going to move a load of boxes to the new place. Hope there's time for everything. But I'm important and a priority.

3/15/09

2009-03-15T09:58:00.006-05:00

If I get this typed out real fast, I should have time to get my menu for this week created. Little A is sleeping and Little J is watching TV.

Breakfast:
scrambled egg
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz raspberries
1 cup milk in oatmeal, coffee, eggs

Lunch:
4 oz round steak
1 cup quinoa
1 cup salad
1 cup asparagus

I was a stoplight away from choosing something different for lunch. I knew I wouldn't enjoy what I wanted. I really want sweet treats.

Supper: Probably chicken and maybe I'll make a soup or something

I'm parenting alone today, again. Pray for sanity all day. I have things to do that will take us out: church, moving boxes into the new house, going to Goodwill. All that will probably take me all afternoon. It's always best to be busy. It's after weekends like this that I welcome work on Monday.

Need to talk to C about berries. What's the difference between craving and enjoying? I'm on the fence about blueberries. It's possible I crave them.

***************************************************************************

Shit, shit, shit, shit.............

Well, I wondered if I need OA. I wondered if I could do this alone, I've done so well. Nope. I wondered if I was a compulsive overeater. I don't know. But I do know that food controls me and sugar will kill me if I let it. And it's for this reason that I have chosen this new path to freedom.

Old Rachel came out for a frolic. She ate ice cream, a non-abstinent supper and a sweet afterwards. And her knuckles dragged on the ground with tiredness. She was cranky and depressed about the choices.

I'm grateful that we go to sleep and wake to a new day. I need a new day. And I have stronger convictions about what I need to do.

3/14/09

2009-03-14T13:38:00.005-05:00

I'm going to create a menu today for next week. I may need to go buy some more groceries, but I expect that planning will really help. I wonder if my last minute decisions could be emotionally inspired.

Breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz berries (I think, I may have given myself 4 oz. I don't know why I confuse meat and fruit)
1/2 cup milk in coffee and oatmeal
I skipped protein because I ate breakfast at 10:30 and I ended up not eating enough dairy.

Lunch:
4 oz. chicken
1 cup tomato
1 cup rice
1 cup salad (arugula--I want to only eat this leaf, never lettuce but at $4/box--it's pricey. I need to convince more people to have arugula farms)

Supper: TBD. Gotta make a menu.

I wish I could take a break from this food plan. Just take a break and go get a sweet treat. No consequences. No big deal. Just do it.

But it really is more than a food plan. It's a path of freedom. Freedom from cravings. Freedom from cheating on a diet. Freedom from excess weight. Freedom. What do I want to exchange for freedom?

Supper:
1 cup rice
4 oz round steak
1 cup tomatoes
1 cup asparagus

I ate three extra pieces of meat that little J put on my plate. I could have put them away but didn't. I did, however, put all the food away before eating my dinner and that made post-dinner easier.

Didn't make a menu. I didn't complete any household task that I started. But I enjoyed my children.

3/13/09

2009-03-14T12:06:00.003-05:00

Breakfast:
2 scrambled eggs
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz blueberries
1/2 cup milk in eggs, coffee and oatmeal
1/2 cup yogurt

Lunch:
4 oz hamburger
1 cup vegetables
1 cup salad
1 cup rice

Supper:
4 oz hamburger
1 cup tomatoes
1 cup salad
1 cup potato

This is what I ate and today was a good day!

3/12/09

2009-03-12T09:14:00.004-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz boiled egg
1 cup of milk in coffee and oatmeal
1 cup oatmeal
4 oz strawberries---I don't know why I cheat myself out of 2 oz of fruit. I've done that before.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
1 cup rice
2 cups cooked vegetables

I have to take some time from work to take care of my kids, so we'll go to the store to get fresh veggies, more fruit and some other food.

Supper:
4 oz hamburger
1 cup rice
1 cup salad
1 cup cooked veggies

All went well until supper. I didn't eat rice, but fried potatoes. I'm not supposed to eat so much oil that I could fry something like potatoes. And I ate twice as many potatoes as I should have and ate more hamburger than I should have.

Reasons? Complicated. I didn't feel satisfied after supper. M wasn't around and the kids were overwhelming. I left the potatoes out until at least an hour after supper. I didn't have my cellphone or I hope I would have called or texted someone. I could have blogged my feelings.

What really sucked is I was conscious while eating the extra food. Before starting this, I could feel slightly guilty afterwards because I was too full. But this time I knew what I was doing. I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell C and how I was going to have to write it here. Confession is good for the soul--especially when I know I'm going to have to do it. That's been the biggest help about this blog. I know a few people read it and I know that I'm going to have to report my food.

Thanks.

3/11/09

2009-03-12T08:59:00.002-05:00

I'm getting into a routine, but I still need to pre-plan my menu and food plan. It would take some guess work out and I imagine it would reduce the risk that I choose a food for emotional reasons.

Today wasn't an abstinent day because I dumped milk into my afternoon coffee.

Breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup yogurt
6 oz apple

My eggs weren't done boiling and meant to eat them shortly after finishing everything else, but time got away and never did. Today I didn't miss them.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
1 cup rice
2 cups cooked vegetables with green salsa

Supper:
4 oz chicken
1 cup mashed potatoes
1 cup cooked veggies
1 cup cooked broccoli

3/10/09

2009-03-10T09:20:00.003-05:00

Last night at 11:30 I was awake and working. It was really hard not to eat. I thought of the stuff with wheat and sugar and decided that I didn't want that stuff in my body because I think it makes it hard to stick with the plan. And munching on fruit or yogurt is not abstinent but it's also not fun or doesn't give me a high. So what's the point?

I made some tea and it turned out tasty. I made it until bedtime. I texted C to tell her I wanted to eat but wasn't.

I need to go to the store. Second day of meat for breakfast.

Breakfast:
4 oz beef strips
1 cup of milk in coffee and oatmeal
1 cup of oatmeal
6 oz berries + a little bit of pear

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
1 cup stir fry peppers
1 cup salad
1 cup brown rice

Supper:
4 oz. chicken
1 cup quinoa
1 cup mashed potatoes
1 cup salad

Yogurt & apple

Lunch went as planned. I ate while surfing the net or doing a little blog reading--not relaxing, not tuning out, not looking out my window and enjoying the food or my family. I had a call that started 15 minutes after my plate was ready. Right now work is getting in the way of life. But my deadline is Thursday so that will be over soon. Have to cope until then.

Supper -- Well, the chicken wasn't unthawed and no taters. And I was starving so I ate leftovers. Fajita peppers, kidney beans, left over roast, cilantro and a tomatoes. All delicious and all enough food.

I have to say, I think I've lost weight. My tight pants fit OK now. I can't believe it.

Another night of working until midnight or 1 a.m. It's hard not to eat. I'm looking forward to Wed or Thurs night when I go to bed at a decent time.

3/9/09

2009-03-09T11:10:00.003-05:00

Breakfast:
4 oz chicken
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup milk in coffee, oatmeal--I might have fudged and put too much in oatmeal, lost track.
1 cup oatmeal
6 oz blueberries

Plan for lunch:
4 oz chicken
1 cup cooked veggies
1 cup brown rice
1 cup tomatoes and cilantro

Supper:
4 oz beef strips
1 cup fajita seasoned peppers & tomatoes
1 cup salad
1 cup beans

Snack:
yogurt and melon

Today I'm at peace. Moving forward!

Biggest goal is to get to OA meeting. Will blog about it. I know I told C I'm going so I better go. I worry about asking M to watch the kids all day and all evening too, but it's late enough that it shouldn't be a big problem.

What happened today:

Lunch was as planned except I ate beans instead of rice. No issues. I felt great all afternoon. Maybe not drinking too much coffee and the fact that it's my second week probably help.

Supper was as planned except I ate two cups of cooked veggies. I'll make sure to get my raw veggies tomorrow.

Snack: I ate cottage cheese. I may buy it once more, but it's interesting how excited I get when I see it. It's a food with emotional connections to family, so it might be a trigger food or a food I should avoid. We'll see.

I went to OA. M agreed to watch the kids and I went off. I really could have stayed home and worked. I have a lot of writing to do before noon tomorrow.

So I got there and wandered around the building and finally found it. All the doors were locked. No one showed up.

It was the meeting that I used to attend four years ago and I think that happened once before. Who knows what's going on with it. It's frustrating. See, relationships with people are messy. Try to engage them in recovery and they don't bother to show up.

I'm discouraged but determined. Perhaps a Saturday morning meeting will work for me. I'm also going to try online and telephone meetings. But I need to go to a face-to-face meeting because it's a personal sacrifice to do it and it feels hard.

3/8/09

2009-03-08T10:42:00.004-05:00

Breakfast:

4 oz meat (couldn't get myself to make eggs and didn't have any hard boiled)
1 cup oat meal
6 oz blueberries
1 cup of milk in coffee & oatmeal

The plan for today:

Lunch:
1 cup rice
4 oz meat at McDonald's
1 cup cooked veggies from freezer
1 cup salad from McDonald's

Supper:
1 cup rice
4 oz chicken
1 cup stir fried peppers (went crazy buying peppers cuz they're on sale--every color they had)
1 cup salad

Berries and yogurt for snack.

I'm feeling better today about the sacrifice. It really helps that the food I eat is good and my plate is always super full.

What happened in reality:

I didn't eat at McDonald's because we went there 1 hour after I had breakfast. I successfully avoided all that food there. I did swig some apple juice so it wouldn't spill all over A. My parenting instincts are tough. Sometimes they get in the way of what I'm trying to do.

Lunch:
4 oz chicken
1 cup rice
1 cup salad
1 cup potatoes and carrots

Supper:
I don't know what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking. I just scooped the chicken and vegetables and put them on my plate. I got the veggie measurement right, but I think I ate an ounce or two more of chicken than I should have. Puts my past in perspective. Glad I have this plan.

3/7/09

2009-03-08T10:28:00.002-05:00

Today started out good. But it got real hard.

Breakfast:
2 scrambled eggs
1 cup of oatmeal
6 oz berries
1/2 cup yogurt
1/2 milk in coffee and oatmeal

Lunch:
Chicken
Refried beans
Fajita veggies (again, but so delicious I don't mind)
Salad

Decaf coffee with a little milk

Supper:
Roast
1 cup potatoes and carrots
1 cup salad
1 cup refried beans because I couldn't wait for rice to cook (should have bought that easy brown rice in packages at Trader Joes)

I think I need to re-think refried beans. They may be too high in carbs and cause a glucose high.

But the real trouble was at Trader Joe's. I went there to get lots of frozen veggies, some vinegar, rice and other goodies. It was fun until I went into the aisle with the cookies. My favorite cookies. And then Trader Joe's had the nerve to put those cookies as an endcap next to the register. In the last year I haven't had a problem with bingeing. But those cookies are a problem.

I felt real sad and frustrated. Never those cookies again? Now in reflection, it feels silly that cookies caused me so much emotional distress, but they're a drug.

While checking out, I remember Hyacynth's comment on one of my posts about prayer. I know from talking to C that prayer is a part of the 12 steps and recovery. So I prayed. I visualized myself laying the cookies on an altar before Jesus and saying, "Here they are. I bring these to you. I know you have something better for me." Didn't really help. And I cried a little while talking to M during supper about my feelings and how I wanted to quit. I wanted sweets.

It got me thinking about the ancient practice of sacrifice. God required his people sacrifice the best, finest animal they had. The one of value. In exchange, they gained blessing and favor. I guess that's what I'm looking for--exchanging the high from sweets for health.

You know what keeps me going? I want to rock climb and I can't do it with a stiff body and a gut in my way.

3/6/09

2009-03-06T07:51:00.002-06:00

Here's the plan. I'll report on what I did at the end of the day.

Breakfast:

4 oz hard boiled egg
1/2 cup yogurt with berrries & cinnamon
1 cup of oatmeal with milk
milk in my coffee

Lunch:
chicken
rice
fajita peppers
salad

Supper:
Probably the same unless a miracle happens. That's about all that left in the house to eat.

Snack:
Yogurt and berries

I was grumpy yesterday. Kinda grumpy today.

3/5/09

2009-03-05T07:49:00.003-06:00

This morning I've been thinking about the freedom that the food plan brings. Freedom from feeling guilty. Freedom from obesity (I hope). Freedom from feeling yucky.

I keep thinking about C saying it took her a month or so to not be a mess. I think that for me, I'm so excited that it works that I'm not feeling deprived too much, that I'm honeymooning. It might be harder for me in a month or so. I've reviewed my diet history and that seems to be when things get hard -- after 10 weeks. Stay tuned.

I've also been trying hard to deal with thoughts about foods I might not ever eat again. I keep reminding myself--that's why it's one day at a time. One choice at a time.

Menu for today

I learned yesterday that planning is much better than not planning

here's the plan for today (I'll update the bottom at the end of the day to say how it went):

Breakfast:
2 hardboiled eggs
1 cup oatmeal
1/2 c yogurt
1/2 c milk
6 oz apple

Lunch:
4 oz chicken from crockpot
1 cup zuchinni
1 cup salad
1 cup brown rice

Supper:
Fajitas:
4 oz chicken with seasoning
1 cup refried beans
1 cup cooked veggies
1 cup lettuce
1 T dressing

Snack:
yogurt & fruit

Lunch ended up being different because I didn't put the chicken in the crockpot. Fortunately, there was leftover meat and enough to make a great meal.

I was hungry and grumpy at supper time. Nibbled on chicken while I picked it off the bone. Nibbled on beans and lettuce as I put it away. Next time I'll pray about my emotions. I could have just picked off the chicken I needed and left the rest for a time when I was feeling less emotional.

Loved the baked chicken. I'll do that again. I slowly cooked it for three hours (it was a little frozen when I put it in the oven). I'm so impressed with my options on this food plan.

Abstinence

2009-03-04T15:52:00.004-06:00

Today, I've been asking myself a lot--"Abstinence. Do you want it?" The answer is always, "Yes." I want the freedom that comes with it.

Today I've also seen the consequences of not planning ahead. I'm going to need to stay on top of the planning.

No protein for breakfast.
No easy lunch.
Planned supper isn't going to work (missing ingredients).

I seriously contemplated just ordering a burger and fries for lunch. In the afternoon, I looked at the cereal in the cupboard. I really wanted milk in my coffee.

I chose abstinence today and it felt miserable. Right now I feel good because I know that I did what I could and I had a good supper.

Breakfast:
1 cup of oatmeal with milk
Milk in coffee (total of 1/2 cup between coffee and oatmeal)
chicken and egg white (equals 4 oz)
Hope I had fruit, can't remember now
forgot 1/2 cup of yogurt

Lunch:
1 baked potato
4 oz meat
1 cup salad
(didn't know I could have 1 cup of veggies or 2 cups of salad)

Supper:
4 oz hamburger with basil
1 cup rice
1 cup salad
1 cup zucchini with onion

I am thawing out a chicken for lunch and supper. I'll have soup tomorrow night so I'm set!

Looking forward to my snack.........

C says that I have to make my own plan for next week. I'm ready! I appreciate the help in figuring out the food plan.

3/3/09

2009-03-03T10:40:00.003-06:00

Breakfast:

Blueberry pancakes.
Coffee with a little milk (forgot to save some of my milk so a little over on the milk)
The pancakes weren't really pancakes. Too liquidy. but turned out tasty and included all that I needed for breakfast.

Drank a second cup of coffee. Had the jitters.

Lunch:
Chicken with black beans and salad (tomato and cilantro--so yummy)

Lunch was delicious. I pondered all the tasty food I've eaten so far and the menu is not one of suffering. There are lots of options. Yesterday I was figuring out how I could eat stuffed green peppers. Totally possible!

My favorite part about lunch was that I sent off my husband because the kids were driving him crazy. And I made lunch for J and A, then joined them. A is almost a year and the cutest thing ever. She munched away on the black beans, green beans and rice noodles that I gave her. J talked about dinosaurs and about how my friend M. isn't afraid of monsters. In fact, she beats them up. She can even sit on a big dinosaur. It reminded me of a conversation I had with him at 5:30 in the morning. He woke up from a dream and we talked about how our brains show us pictures while we sleep. He asked, "Why?" (of course). I was too tired to explain. I love co-sleeping.

This afternoon was hard. I was hungry at 3:30. Texted C. "I'm hungry. Can I eat anything?"

She answered: "No. Drink tea and think of 9 things you're thankful for."

I drank cold tea because I chose to stay focused on work. I couldn't think past "cheesecake." Why, I don't know.

And ate dinner at 6:00.

Supper:

Chicken, peas (not sure those should have been on the plate--need to reread), brown rice and salad. Thanks to a friend for bringing the chicken.

Snack at 9:30 and I thought I was going to faint from hunger beforehand.

And now it's 11:00 and I'm hungry. I better go to bed. Toast sounds good about now. Run from the toast!

Tomorrow -- less coffee. I think that will help. Technically, I shouldn't be drinking coffee. But one step at a time, people. One day at a time.

3/2/09

2009-03-03T10:25:00.003-06:00

Breakfast:
4 oz hard boiled egg whites (tasted better without overboiled egg yolk)
1/2 cup of milk in my coffee while meant I had
1 cup of oatmeal without milk. :(
1/2 cup of yogurt
6 oz of FRESH PINEAPPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess I could have skipped the yogurt and put a 1/2 cup of milk in my oatmeal.

Lunch:
I really wanted M to make me lunch, but I did it myself.

4 oz chicken
1 cup brown rice
1 cup stir fry veggies
1 cup salad

Coffee in the afternoon with a little milk.

Supper:
I asked M to make my chili for supper. Explained to him that I needed EXACTLY 4 oz of cooked hamburger, EXACTLY 1 cup of tomatoes, EXACTLY 1 cup of beans. Left out the cans and recipe. Hungry at 5:00, found all the tomatoes (3 cups) and beans (2 cups) stewed with the meat. Argggghhh!

He had already left for the cigar store to hang out and I almost called him to chew him out and tell him how mad that he doesn't LISTEN!!!!!

I called C instead. She said I was responsible for my food and my recovery. Not him. I need to take care of myself.

What???????

If I'm responsible then I can't blame other people.

Shoot.

Well, I'd rather use other words. LOTS of other words.

So I spooned out just the tomatoes, heated them up with chicken, sprinkled on more chili powder. Realized I was out of rice and used leftover white rice from the night before. Not ideal and I expected the white rice to cause blood sugar problems/hunger/craving. And I resigned myself to a not-fully-abstinent meal. But supper turned out OK. Little A and I ate together--she munched on green beans and some rice.

Supper: 4 oz chicken, 1 cup rice, 1 cup cooked tomatoes, 1 cup salad.

C encouraged me that I was doing well. She said she was a mess for the first month. So I feel good.

Snack: yogurt and more pineapple.

Afternoon cravings

2009-03-02T13:34:00.002-06:00

I can tell, afternoon is going to be a hard time for me for awhile. I can think of lots of things that I can eat.

Instead, I'm going to have to keep focused on work, breathe/pray out the stress and persevere. At the end of the afternoon, I'll have accomplished much, will be able to enjoy my family and will have supper. I hope M makes me supper, I was disappointed he didn't make me lunch.

In the meantime, I am drinking tea and wishing it was decaf coffee.

Grumpy.

3/1/09

2009-03-01T18:47:00.002-06:00

For breakfast:

2 hard boiled eggs
1 cup oatmeal
1/2 c yogurt
1/2 cup milk (part in oatmeal, part in coffee)
6 oz. apple

1st--it's A LOT of food. I'm usually hungry halfway through the morning. I can't imagine this happens on this food plan.

2nd--I overboiled the eggs so they tasted real gross. Tomorrow I'll try eating just the egg whites and weigh them. I boiled a whole dozen, so I might have to toss them if they're inedible. I thought I was being picky but J ate one and spit out part of the yolk into the garbage.

Lunch:
Tasty chicken cooked with olive oil. Ate too much oil total for lunch, but I'm being lenient with the oil for now. I get a pass on the oil.
Brown rice
Cooked green beans (little A thought they were tasty too)
Salad with tomatoes, radishes, onions--YUMMY

I went for a drive in the afternoon. I think afternoon might be my hardest time. I have been eating ice cream regularly knowing that I wouldn't be soon. So it's become a habit. A habit to be broken now.

I bought coffee and put some of J's soymilk in it. I thought about calling C before I did. But I didn't. I wondered about cheating and how I was going to not do that--I've never followed a plan exactly before (or stayed within my points). As I sat in the driveway afterwards, I read an OA book of member stories and one member said that there is no slips and cheating. There's abstinence and non-abstinence. OK. I choose abstinence. I'll make a call and/or choose abstinence.

Supper:
chicken with sesame, oil, salt, pepper, garlic, onion flakes and parsley
stir fry veggies with salt/pepper
rice heated in the pan after chicken (added some water)
More salad

Again. Feels like TONS of food.

Food plan

2009-03-01T18:44:00.003-06:00

My daily food plan consists of the following:

Breakfast:
4oz of protein
1 c grain
1 c dairy
6 oz fruit

Lunch
4oz protein
1 c grain/starch
1 c. raw veggie
1 c cooked vegetable
1/2 T oil

Supper:
4 oz protein
1 cup grain/starch
1 cup raw veggie
1 cup cooked vegetable
1/2 T oil

Nightly Snack:
1 cup dairy
6 oz fruit

Last Supper

2009-02-28T21:43:00.002-06:00

I ate whatever I wanted today. And I felt like crap. But I did it because I know it's the last day.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to eat what's good for my body.

I'm ready to go back to OA.

I'm ready to face the possibility that I may never eat chocolate, cookies, pizza, and many, many things ever again.

If that's what it takes, I'm OK with that.

I'm ready to deal with how I'm going to feel when I feel deprived, when I crave, when it's hard.

I'm ready to join the community of those who are in recovery from food addiction. I'm ready.