3/7/09

Today started out good. But it got real hard.

Breakfast:
2 scrambled eggs
1 cup of oatmeal
6 oz berries
1/2 cup yogurt
1/2 milk in coffee and oatmeal

Lunch:
Chicken
Refried beans
Fajita veggies (again, but so delicious I don't mind)
Salad

Decaf coffee with a little milk

Supper:
Roast
1 cup potatoes and carrots
1 cup salad
1 cup refried beans because I couldn't wait for rice to cook (should have bought that easy brown rice in packages at Trader Joes)

I think I need to re-think refried beans. They may be too high in carbs and cause a glucose high.

But the real trouble was at Trader Joe's. I went there to get lots of frozen veggies, some vinegar, rice and other goodies. It was fun until I went into the aisle with the cookies. My favorite cookies. And then Trader Joe's had the nerve to put those cookies as an endcap next to the register. In the last year I haven't had a problem with bingeing. But those cookies are a problem.

I felt real sad and frustrated. Never those cookies again? Now in reflection, it feels silly that cookies caused me so much emotional distress, but they're a drug.

While checking out, I remember Hyacynth's comment on one of my posts about prayer. I know from talking to C that prayer is a part of the 12 steps and recovery. So I prayed. I visualized myself laying the cookies on an altar before Jesus and saying, "Here they are. I bring these to you. I know you have something better for me." Didn't really help. And I cried a little while talking to M during supper about my feelings and how I wanted to quit. I wanted sweets.

It got me thinking about the ancient practice of sacrifice. God required his people sacrifice the best, finest animal they had. The one of value. In exchange, they gained blessing and favor. I guess that's what I'm looking for--exchanging the high from sweets for health.

You know what keeps me going? I want to rock climb and I can't do it with a stiff body and a gut in my way.